We’re live in the Hammerstein and an ECW chant starts up before the famous music hits and Paul Heyman makes his way to the ring to a huge pop from the crowd. A “Paul E” chant breaks out before Heyman grabs the mic. He says on behalf of every wrestler who wanted to be hardcore more than they wanted to be a superstar, on behalf of everyone who lived the dream and fought the fight and never gave up hope, the tribe of extreme has risen again! Another “ECW” chant started up as Heyman said this time; they are going to pour their kool aid down the throats of a new global audience that is going to learn that it all started here tonight! A “thank you Paul E” chant started up as Heyman said they are on PPV tonight; they are back on national TV in a better deal than they used to have on Sci-Fi this Tuesday night. Heyman said this didn’t happen because of Paul Heyman, because of Vince McMahon, this happened because of you. If ever the phrase “by popular demand” ever rang true, from every single one of them from the bottom of his heart, thank you! Now lets take it home, ladies and gentlemen this is better than Monday Night RAW, he almost forgot something, he will be the messiah of the new breed unleashed, the swinging schlong of the extreme! Back to where he was, this is better than RAW, better than Smackdown, this is the rebirth of ECW! We then go to the opening video montage.
Tazz vs. Jerry “The King” Lawler
Tazz was out first to a huge, huge pop. Taz is geared up in an orange Tazz jersey and black training pants. Jerry Lawler is out now. The fans chant “you sick d*ck”. Lawler walks over to Joey Styles and slaps him. Lawler walks down the isle and enters the ring. Styles attacks him from behind. Trying to choke him out. Lawler overpowers him and goes for a pile driver, but Tazz slaps on the Tazzmission! The ref calls for the bell! The ref checks on Lawler! He checks the arm! Once…twice…three times it falls!
Winner via Tazzmission: Tazz
They show a video package from the past couple weeks of ECW’s return.
Randy Orton vs. Kurt Angle
Randy Orton is out first. He enters the ring and pyro erupts. Yeah, pyro in ECW! Kurt Angle is out next and he comes out to a huge pop. He enters the ring and the crowd chants “F*** him up Angle, F*** him up!” They tie it up in the center of the ring, but Orton backs out and exits the ring. Angle smiles, sporting a mouth piece with the ECW logo on it. Orton re-enters and gets totally out wrestled by Angle. Angle almost locks in the Ankle Lock, but Orton fights out. The crowd now chants “F*** Orton!” Angle snaps in a quick take down. He mounts Orton from behind and gets him grounded. Angle slaps Orton on back of the head. The crowd now chants to Orton “you got bitch slapped!” Angle lets down his guard and asks Orton to take a shot. Orton locks in a headlock but Angle simply powers out. Angle lets his guard down again and dares Orton to lock in another headlock. Orton locks it and Angle powers out. Angle does it again, Orton locks in a headlock but Angle flattends him with a belly to back! Angle whips Orton to the corner and goes after him with the shoulder but catches all steel post. Orton takes charge of the match for a minute but Angle powers out. But that manuver took more out of Angle, so Orton takes charge again. Orton goes for a pin but only gets a 2 count! Orton locks on a headlock as the fans chant “you can’t wrestle” to Orton! Angle is able to reverse the manuver and gain control. Angle locks on from behind with a headlock. Orton powers out and regains a rear choke. Standing up now, Orton buts leverage on the neck of Kurt Angle. Orton smiles at the crowd and the begin chanting “BOORRING!” Angle whips Orton. Orton comes back – backing up towards Angle – Angle snaps in a hold and pulls off a huge belly-to-back suplex! Angle lays in a Trifecta – three german suplexes! Out the book of Benoit! Angle now has the momentum and is stalking Orton as he staggers up. Angle tried to hit a quick Angle Slam but Orton battled out. Angle hits another huge german suplex! Angle is stalking! ANGLE SLAM!..1..2…NO! The top comes off! Angle is pissed! Angle locks in the Ankle Lock! Orton flips forward and sends Angle head first into the turnbuckle and lays in a stiff neck breaker for a two count. Orton mounts the ropes, Angle follows up but Orton pushes off. Orton flies off with a cross body splash! Angle rolls him over for a 2 count. Orton stalks and attempts the RKO, Angle counters and nearly locks on the Ankle Lock. Orton backs up into Angle, Kurt levels him and goes for the legs. Orton tries to battle out but Angle hits the mat and over powers him. ANKLE LOCK is on! Orton taps!
Winner via Ankle Lock Submission: Kurt Angle
Angle celebrates as the fans chant his name. Angle looks at Orton who is being attended to ring side and smiles. Angle walks up the isle chanting “ECW!” As Orton is being helped backstage the fans chant “you tapped out!” He asks for more help and now the fans chant “You pussy!” And “Get the F Out!”
The F.B.I. vs. Super Crazy & Tajiri
The FBI is out first followed by Tajiri and Super Crazy. Crazy and Tony Mamaluke will start things out. They go through a series of mat wrestling manuvers and reversals before Tajiri barges in and stomps a mudhole in Tony. Tony Mamaluke tries to lock in an armbar but Crazy shows his stength and lifts him up and walks around with Tony on his shoulders before slaming him down. Crazy gets a two count and tags in Tajiri as Tony tags in Nunzio. Tajiri fires off some lightning kicks. TNunzio locks in an armbar, but Tajiri reaches the ropes for the break. Tajiri is able to lock in a single leg crab, but Tony Mammaluke threatends to get in the ring and the breaks the hold. Tony charges in anyway and Crazy and Nunzio set up a double tree of woe and finish off the FBI with a killer baseball slide drop kick! FBI try and regroup but Crazy defines his name with an insane Asai Moonsault to the outside of the ring onto FBI! Crazy gets back in the ring but the giant Big Guido pulls him out. Crazy sucks up the strength to get back in the ring as Mammaluke heads in for a two count on Crazy. Mammaluke sets up Crazy in a camel clutch and Nunzio dusts him off with a drop kick to the face. Tajiri enters and kicks the crap out of Mammluke. That sends him out the ring. Nunzio gets a 2 count on Tajiri who’s now legal. FBI tries to double team Tajiri but he nails them with a reverse flying elbow. Crazy entres the ring and he and Tajiri set up a stereo taranchula submission hold. Big Guido gets in the ring and Crazy and Tajiri drop him with a twin drop kick. Mammaluke and Nunzio capitalize and ambush Crazy and Tajiri. Crazy is sent out the ring over the ropes and into first row. Mammaluke and Nunzio hit a double fisherman driver on Tajiri and get the 3 count!.
Winners via Fisherman Driver: FBI
The FBI’s music hits for a moment but then the Big Show’s music erupts! Show comes down and kicks Guido. He choke slams Nunzio! Like rag dolls he tosses the FBI out the ring! The crowd goes nuts!
John Bradshaw Layfield is up in the balcony and calls ECW backyard quality. He says wait a minute, ECW, he recognizes that ring. The fans chanted “you suck dick” at Bradshaw and he says he sees no women out here and they are talking about a male organ. One year ago, a certain fat blue piece of crap sat there and bled and cried. You guys get on the internet and call JBL a bully and a bad guy. He says nothing happened to him when he knocked and ECW guy out, because there isn’t an ECW guy alive who can do anything to him. JBL calls himself the King of Hardcore. He says Kurt Angle, Big Show, Rob Van Dam made their names in the WWE. He says they are stars because of people like him, because of Smackdown and because of Vince McMahon. He then says Tazz is leaving Network TV to go to Tuesday nights on the Sci-Fi Network? He’s a household name because of WWE, but these geeks love the Sci-Fi channel. JBL says it’s very appropriate. JBL says he wants to thank Tazz, because if he hadn’t of left, they would have had to fire him. JBL is coming back as the voice of Smackdown. JBL is the voice of the A Show, and he is the new voice of Smackdown. JBL says to go ahead and drink the kool aid. JBL calls himself a Wrestling God and says that this show sucks.
WWE World Heavyweight Championship
Sabu vs. Rey Mysterio
Sabu is out first. He looks pissed, but the crowd loves him! Rey is out to a not so good, but as expected pop. This match will be conducted under extreme rules, which means that this is a No DQ match. The announcer introduces the homicidle, genocidle, death defying Sabu! Followed by Rey Mysterio (haha). OK. The ref calls for the bell and we’re off. Both men start the match with chairs in their hands but drops them. Mysterio sporting oldschool black and red WCW gear. Very nice. Sabu goes for his chair and Rey goes for his and the slap chairs! Rey is whipped to the corner. Air Sabu! Rey is able to leg sweep Sabu face first into a chair. Sabu back into the corner. Air Rey! Rey lays out Sabu with a hurricanrana. Sabu lays Rey out with a chair. Rey rolls out the ring in a daze. Sabu sets up a table ringside and lays Rey on it. Sabu goes to fly of the ring but aborts when he sees Rey isn’t there. Sabu gets a 2 count following a leg drop. Sabu locks in a Camel Clutch and asks the ref to check on Rey. Rey ain’t having it though. Sabu uses the chair for an Arabian Face buster!..1…2… No! Sabu sets up a table near the apron. Rey pushes him off and Sabu stand son the table. Rey launches with a plancha and takes Sabu through the table. Sabu immediately mouths to the ref “I tore my bicep!” Rey heads back to the ring. Meanwhile Sabu is favoring his arm ringside. Sabu lays out Rey with a moonsault. Sabu goes for a top rope Arabian Leg Drop but misses! Sabu follows up though. Sabu sets up Rey on that table again! Sabu does a run and gun through ring and over the ropes but Rey is stand on the table! Sabu adjusts in MIDAIR and hits a flying DDT on the table outside the ring! The crowd chants “holy s**t!” The ref is stunned for second after what he just saw. He motions to the back to send help. EMTs come out and check on Rey and Sabu. One of the agents tells the ref that match is off! Its done they cannot continue! The crowd chants “Bull sh*t!” The EMTs immediately carry off Rey who seems to be having trouble breathing. Sabu refuses help and staggers under his own power backstage.
Result: No contest
Mick Foley & Edge vs. Tommy Dreamer & Terry Funk
Foley is out first to a quiet pop. He’s still sporting the black eye delivered to him from Terry Funk a couple weeks ago. He grabs the mic and says “Alright I sold out. I sold out Madison Square Garden.” He said he sold out ECW and he’s sorry because he loved ECW and respected ECW when it was run by a visionary. When it was owned and ran by Stephanie McMahon. “Long Live the Alliance!” Foley then introduces Edge and Lita and their out to a bunch of boos from the crowd. Edge gets on the mic. He says Mick doesn’t want to mess with the fans because this is their Christmas. Only their santa is Jewish, fat, balled and hands out (censored). Lita gets on mic and says that Dreamer and Funk thing they have a chance at beating Foley and Edge. She said when she sat on Dreamer’s face last week, it was the most action that he or any of the fans have ever seen in a while. Out next is the Legendary Terry Funk and Tommy Dreamer. Both accompanied by Beulah Magilicutty. Dreamer and Funk get a champion’s welcome to ECW. Beaulah gets the mic and says that she never thought she would see the day that trash that comes out her mouth is more disgusting that what she puts in it. Beaulah says show knows that she likes threesomes, so she wants to make this match 3 on 3! The girls mouth off to eachother and have to be seperated. So this now a Six-Person inter-gender tag match. Dreamer and Edge start things out. Dreamer is able to over power Edge. Now Edge tags in Foley but Foley says he wants Funk. Dreamer tags in Funk, now Foley retreats! Funk and Dreamer attack Edge and Foley anyway! Foley pounds away on Funk outside the ring. Meanwhile Edge lays out Dreamer with a metal ladder in the middle of the ring. Foley and Funk continue to brawl ringside. Edge sets up the ladder behind Dreamer and charges for a Spear. Dreamer capitalizes and hip tosses Edge backfirst into the ladder! Funk gets the ladder and clears house with it. Dreamer ducks for dear life as Funk swings around the ladder. Funk sets up the ladder and climbs it. Edge takes advantage and pushes the ladder over with Funk on it. Dreamer goes for the Spicoli driver but Lita saves Edge by hitting the low blow on Dreamer. Foley and Edge dig under the ring and bring out a barbed wire covered board. The take the board and slam it on Dreamer! Foley goes to take the board off but Dreamer’s ear is still stuck on the wire! Oh My God! Foley and Edge hold the wire board but Funk trips them and they fall with board on their face! Funk and Dreamer send Foley into the wire board and Funk mounts Foley and pounds him. Edge drops Dreamer nuts first on the steel crowd devider ringside. Foley battles Funk off of him. Edge lays out Funk with that board. Foley wraps barbed wire around his hand lays a haymaker on Funk. Foley grindes that wire into the face of Funk. Funk is screaming in pain! “MY EYE IS GONE! Oh s**t! My eye is gone!” EMTs come out and help Funk the back. Funk is gone but Foley and Edge ain’t done with Dreamer. Foley takes the barbedwire bat to the crotch of Dreamer. Foley takes out Mr. Socko and attacks Beaulah with it. Dreamer tries to fight him off but Edge attacks from behind. Now Lita, Edge and Foley go after Beaulah. Edge dry humps Beaulah from behind. But wait! Here comes Funk! Funk is back and he’s got a 2×4 with barbed wire wrapped around it. As Foley and Edge plot an excape. Dreamer hits them with a low blow. Funk cleans house with the 2×4. Funk now lights the 2×4 on fire! Funk nails Foley with board! Foley’s in flames! Foley is knocked out the ring onto a barbed wire table! EMTs put the fire out. Edge hits Funk from behind and he’s laied out. Dreamer nabs Lita and lays her out with the Spicoli driver! Dreamer taunts, but Edge attacks from behind with barbed wire in a reverse DDT. Edge eyeballs Beaulah and lays her out with a Spear. Edge covers Beaulah and gets the 3 count!
Winners via Edge & Spear: Mick Foley, Edge and Lita
Balls Mahoney vs. Masato Tanaka
Balls is out first. Tanaka follows with his right shoulder already wrapped up. The bell rings and the match is on. Balls hits a suplex. Balls follows up with the Balls Shuffle. Wooooooah Baaaaalls goes the crowd. Tanaka drop kicks Balls out the ring. Tanaka follows up with a plancha. Balls catches him and pounds him on the ringside floor. Balls grabs a couple beers from the crowd and lays out Tanaka with them. Back in the ring Mahoney drops Tanaka with a top rope suplex. Each wrestler grabs a chair now. The slap chairs once, twice, three times! Balls lays in a kick and lays out Tanaka with a HUUUUUGE chair shot! Balls with the cover…1…2…3!
Winner via huge chair shot: Balls Mahoney
Hey! Believe it or not, its Eugene! The annoncer is purplexed. Eugene gets on the mic and says he “loves ECW!” He said his uncle Eric Bischoff use to tell him he was as smart as an ECW fan. He said he wrote a poem and will read it. “ECW is the place to be I love Terry Funk and RVD. Stevie Richards makes me howl when is sweats he wants to use Tazz’s towl. ECW ain’t phonie he wants hug Balls Mahoney….” The crowd chants “shut the F up!” Sandman’s music hits and he makes his way through the crowd fully equipped with a Kendo Stick! Sandman makes his way down the 2nd balchany. He downs about three or four beers. He’s in a terrific shape. Sandman enters the ring. He stares down Eugene, who is going nuts to see Sandman. The crowd chants “F him up Sandman, F him up!” Sandman lays Eugene out with a Kendo Stick shot. Eugene retreats ring side. Sandman tells him to beg. Eugene begs, but Sandman don’t care. He lays him out again! Sandman’s music hits he grabs a beer and toasts ECW!
WWE Championship
*Extreme Rules
Rob Van Dam vs. John Cena
Out first in RVD to a huge pop! He makes his traditional circle around the ring side tagging hands and saying “what up” to friends. RVD enters the ring, the music drops and the fans chant “RVD!” Out next is the Champ John Cena. He thought WWE fans were turning on him, but ECW fans already hate him. The crowd roars in boos. So loud you can noly hear John Cena’s entrance music. Cena appears at the top of the entrance isle and raises the title. He walks to the ring with the title in the air. He stares down RVD from ring side. Cena enters the ring and the fans boo. A sign is shown reading “IF CENA WINS WE RIOT!” The announcer introduces the challenger from Battle Creek, Mich. representing ECW, Rob Van Dam! The announcer introduces the Champion representing WWE RAW, John Cena! Cena tosses his shirt to the crowd and the fans toss it right back! Cena goes back and forth with fans. He throws it in, they throw it back! Cena is in pissed -disbelief. Finally a fan catches and and whipes his behind with it and throws it back. Cena catches the shirt. RVD tells Cena, they ain’t takin a shirt from you, they’d only want one from (the crowd also says) ROB…VAN…DAM! The bell rings and the match is on! Cena and RVD lock up in the center of the ring. Cena hits a fisherman suplex for a cover and now count. The crowd chants to Cena “you can’t wrestle!” RVD stares down Cena. John drops RVD with a shoulder drop. RVD goes for insiguri, but misses, he comes back and lays him off. Cena retreats to ring side. Cena and RVD exchange blows. Back and forth, back and forth and back and forth. Finally Cena is dazed, and down he goes! Cena tries to drop the five kuckle shuffle, the crowd chants “same old s**t!”. RVD retreats to ringside. Cena launches off the top rope to ringside on to RVD! But the ECW fans ain’t impressed. They now chant “Overrated!” Van Dam hits a quick moonsault off the stairs on to Cena! RVD b-lines it for Cena, but John sends him to the 3rd row! Cena follows up through the crowd. Cena gets RVD and tasses him back over the railing to ringside. Cena climbs over but RVD catches him with a kick. Cena is now leaning over the railing and RVD launches of the ring apron into a corkscrew spin and onto Cena with a long leg drop. Van Dam sets up Cean in the ring with his head sticking out over the appron. RVD drops another long leg ring side. RVD sets up Cena in the corner. RVD mounts speed with a chair and drop kicks Cena with the chair!. RVD sets up Cena in the middle of the ring and places a chair on top of him and lands a rolling thunder! Van Dam goes for the pin but only gets a 2 count! Cena is laying in the corner. RVD goes for a split legged moonsault. Cena grabs the chair just in time and RVD gets all steel chair. Cena hits a DDT on the chair! Cena sets up a chair in the corner and launches RVD with a wheel barrol toss into the corner! HEAD FIRST into the chair! Cena hits a sidewalk slam. Cena lands the five knuckle shuffle! Cena is stalking RVD now! RVD makes his way up to his feet. Cean gets RVD up! Van Dam fight out of the FU. RVD hits a spinning drop kick! Cena hits a sing-hand power bomb on RVD for a 2 count as the fans chant “you still suck!” Van Dam is able to fight for control and attempts to set up Cena on the ropes, Cena falls and tries to catch his feeting but RVD lets off with a drop kick sending Cena out the ring and onto the steel railing. RVD sets up a table, but Cean is able to sneak up on Van Dam and snap in the STFU! RVD is near the rope but can noly reach it! RVD stretches out the arm and grabs the rope. Cena wouldn’t break the hold so the ref breaks it for him. Cena lays out the ref with a clothsline and turns around to catch RVD climbing the ropes. Cena suplexes RVD off the top rope and heads out the ring for the steel steps. Cena nabs the steel steps and lays out RVD with it! The crowd boos and theres a new ref in the ring! But Cena could only get a 2 count! Cena signals for the FU. He gets RVD up but Van Dam hangs on to the ropes. Cena throws RVD over the ropes and outside. Meanwhile, a man wearing a motorcycle helmet and black trench coat spears Cena into the table! He taks off the helmet! ITS EDGE! He exits the ring. RVD is back in! Damn the ref is out! RVD mounts the ropes anyway. HUGE FIVE STAR SPLASH! RVD takes the cover but the ref is still out! RVD tries to revive the ref, but no luck. Paul Heyman hits the ring tells RVD to make the cover! Heyman counts! 1…2….3!
Winner and New WWE/ECW Champion: Rob Van Dam
RVD and Heyman celebrate. RVD hits the crowd and they congratulate him! RVD tours all round the arena tagging fans as he sports the strap! One of the most recognized wrestlers in the world, yet he never wore a major World Title. But, tonight, thanks to Paul Heyman, Rob Van Dam is your ECW World Champion. RVD hits the ring where the ECW roster awaits him. They pick him up on their shoulders and rock out as they celebrate the rebirth of ECW!
End of show.
