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Jimmy Lloyd is introduced and promises the “best fucking wrestling in the world.” He continues to hype the show. G-Raver comes out to a big pop. Raver thanks Lloyd and shows the fans the progress he’s made, restoring movement to his injured hand.
FIRST MATCH: Blake Christian vs. Lucky 13
They lock up and trade holds to start. After a series of leapfrogs, Christian hits a dropkick and sends Lucky 13 to the outside. 13 blocks a suicide dive. Both men battle on the top rope. They battle onto the bar. 13 is sent to the crowd. Blake Christian hits a running senton off the bar, into the crowd.
Christian sends 13 back in the ring. Lucky 13 fight back and hits a Tiger Feint Kick. Lucky 13 hits a springboard DDT. Lucky 13 covers for two.
13 corners Blake. Lucky 13 unleashes a series of strikes. Christian counters and hits a series of strikes. 13 sends Blake to the apron. Blake comes back with a slingshot German Suplex. Blake gets a nearfall.
They battle on the apron. 13 counters a Candian Destroyer with an Air Raid Crash on the apron. Lucky 13 misses a diving senton and is sent into a chair in the crowd. Christian gets back in the ring. Lucky 13 gets back in the ring and eats a DDT. Blake covers for two. After a series of counters, Blake hits a leapfrog Spanish Fly. Lucky 13 fights back with a Package Piledriver for a nearfall. Lucky 13 maintains dominance and suplexes Christian into the corner. Christian fights back with a superplex. Christian hits a Frog Splash for a nearfall. Blake gets to the top rope, but Lucky 13 comes back with a brainbuster into the corner. Lucky 13 gets a nearfall.
Christian fights back. Christian hits a 450 Splash from the bar outside the ring into the ring. Christian gets a nearfall. Christian hits a Death Valley Driver. Christian climbs to the top rope. Christian hits a Twisting Splash for the pinfall.
WINNER: Blake Christian
SECOND MATCH: Chris Dickinson vs. Jordan Oliver
Dickinson plays a promo from Jordan over the PA system. I have no idea what it says because it keeps feeding back on the soundsystem. Dickinson charges Jordan and stomps the piss out of him.
Dickinson unleashes a series of chops. Dickinson hits a Tombstone Piledriver. Dickinson calls Jordan a “CZW Dojo Wars Bitch” and then stomps on him more. Dickinson sends Jordan to the bar on the outside. Dickinson hits a huge chest chop. Jordan bounces off the bar and rolls back in the ring.
Dickinson hits a Brainbuster. Dickinson fights him into the crowd. Dickinson hits him with a steel chair. Dickinson fights him back into the ring. Jordan spits at Dickinson. Dickinson locks in a deep Boston Crab. Jordan tries to fight out but gets pummeled by Dickinson. Jordan hits a dropkick. Jordan hits a Slingshot Stunner. Jordan hits a huge kick. Jordan gets a nearfall. Jordan hits a series of chops. Jordan locks in a sleeper hold. Jordan hits a snapmare and dropkick. Jordan maintains dominance. Jordan gets in a fight with the referee. Dickinson blocks an avalanche attack and sends Jordan to the canvas.
Dickinson hits a huge lariat. Dickinson hits a huge chop. Dickinson turns Jordan inside out. Dickinson hits a Death Valley Driver for a nearfall. Dickinson leaves the ring and the arena. Dickinson returns with a door. Jordan hits a dropkick and gets a nearfall. Jordan hits a Springboard Cutter. Dickinson leaps up yelling “I don’t sell that Springboard Cutter shit” and they exchange chops. Dickinson hits Pazuzu Bomb through the door for the pinfall.
WINNER: Chris Dickinson
Dickinson told Jordan to get out of his ring.
THIRD MATCH: Tony Deppen vs. Matt Tremont
Tremont announces that Deppen isn’t here tonight. Tremont says that someone needs to “step the fuck up.”
THIRD MATCH: Atticus Cogar vs. Matt Tremont
Cogar starts off by spelling RSP. They trade blows. Tremont punishes Cogar in the corner. Tremont hits Cogar with a chain. Tremont chokes Cogar with the chain. Tremont continues to choke Cogar with the chain. Tremont hangs Cogar with the chain. Cogar takes out Tremont’s legs. Cogar hits a moonsault for a nearfall.
Cogar hits Tremont with a steel chair. Tremont hits a Death Valley Driver on the chair. Tremont sets up a door, but is immediately put through it with a meteora. Cogar pins Tremont.
WINNER: Atticus Cogar
FOURTH MATCH: EFFY vs. SHLAK
Effy slams his spiked jacket into SHLAK’s face. Effy chokes SHLAK in the corner. Effy puts his spiked jaket back on and rakes the face of SHLAK. Effy hits a somersault senton. Effy hits a thrust kick.
SHLAK fights back and attacks the arm of Effy. SHLAK locks in a Wakigatame. SHLAK botches a La Magistral and drives Effy’s face into the mat. SHLAK hits Effy in the face. SHLAK sets up a gusset board. SHLAK strangles Effy with a plastic bag. SHLAK stabs Effy in the face with a shank. Effy plays with himself during this. Effy shanks SHLAK in the face. They trade blows.
SHLAK hits a back suplex. SHLAK hits a suplex. They trade chops. Effy hits a spinebuster. Effy gets a nearfall. Effy sends SHLAK into the gusset board. Effy tears off part of the gusset board. Both men drive the gusset plate into each other’s flesh. They trade headbutts. SHLAK spears Effy through a door. SHLAK covers for two.
SHLAK sets up a chair. SHLAK chews on Effy’s face. SHLAK hits a back suplex. Effy backdrops SHLAK onto the chair. Effy hits an elbow drop. Effy covers for two. Effy sets up a door. Effy puts SHLAK through the door with a Famouser. Effy covers for two.
A guy in a dick costume comes out with a giant pane of glass. Effy sets up the glass. Effy climbs to the top rope. SHLAK recovers and joins him. SHLAK hits an Avalanche Death Valley Driver through the glass for the pinfall.
WINNER: SHLAK
Intermission, the bar is open.
FIFTH MATCH: Scramble Match: Ophidian vs. Tye Hill vs. Matt Demorest vs. Sanchez vs. Colby Corino KTB
It’s impossible to do play-by-play for these ridiculous matches. The match was a whirlwind of moves from the future. KTB put Sanchez through a door with an Avalanche Death Valley Driver.
WINNER: KTB
After the match, Chris Dickinson brought Sanchez back from the dead. Sanchez then yelled “SUCK ME!”
SIXTH MATCH: GCW World Championship Match: Nick Gage (c) vs. Ruckus.
Ruckus enters the bar smoking a blunt. He then fires up a second one during his ring introduction. Ruckus blindsides Gage during the introductions. Ruckus dominates Gage with stiff kicks. Ruckus hits a corner elbow. Ruckus climbs to the top rope and hits a moonsault legdrop. Ruckus’s manager attacks Gage. Ruckus climbs to the top rope. Ruckus hits a somersault senton to the floor.
They trade blows. Gage hits a spinebuster. Gage hits a DDT. Gage gets a door. Gage spears Ruckus through the door. Gage hits a Vaderbomb. Gage rips off part of the broken door and fashions it into a shank. Gage hits a face wash. Gage stabs Ruckus in the face with a piece of the door. Gage hits a Chokebreaker on Ruckus’s manager. Gage hits a face wash through the door. Ruckus climbs to the top rope and the power goes out. Atticus Cogar shoots a fireball. Rickey Shane Page runs in and hits Gage with a chair. Page hits Ruckus with a Chokebreaker. Gage chases after RSP, leaving the arena. The match is ruled a no contest.
No Contest
SEVENTH MATCH: Rich Swann vs. Alex Zayne
Both men trade shoulder blocks and arm drags. They both dropkick. They both kip up. They shake hands.
Swann hits a series of dropkicks. Swann hits a Rolling Thunder Frog Splash. Swann covers for two. Swann stretches Zayne. Zayne gets to the ropes. Swann hits a snapmare and soccer kick. Zayne dodges a head scissors and hits a big kick. Zayne pulls Swann on the apron and hits a huge knee. Zayne misses a Shooting Star Press and lands on the floor. Swann hits a tope. Swann hits a Frog Splash for a nearfall.
Zayne fights back with a Baja Blast. Zayne hits a springboard Phoenix Splash for a nearfall. Zayne hits a huge forearm. They trade blows. Swann hits a Reverse Rana. Swann hits a hurricanrana from the top rope. Zayne fights back with his own running rana. Zayne hits a powerbomb for a nearfall.
Swann hits a Handspring Cutter for a nearfall. Zayne hits a huge knee strike for a nearfall. Zayne hits a Crunchwrap Supreme. Zayne climbs to the top rope. Zayne climbs down and goes all the way up the balcony. Zayne hits a Balcony Dive Swanton Bomb for the pinfall.
WINNER: Alex Zayne
Teddy Hart gets into the ring, dressed like a party monster, and accompanied by the hamburglar. They give the mic to Alex Zayne, who thanks everyone. Teddy gets on the mic and says…stuff, it was pretty scattered.
MAIN EVENT: Jimmy Lloyd vs. Shotzi Blackheart
Shotzi dominates Jimmy to start. Shotzi hits a Tornado DDT. Shotzi hits a cannonball. Shotzi fights Jimmy into the crowd. Shotzi sends Jimmy into a chair. Shotzi starts setting up a chair pyramid. Lloyd fights back and sends Shotzi into the ring. Lloyd hits a Tiger Driver for two.
Shotzi hits a Sling Blade. Blackheart hits a DDT. Shotzi hits a Saito Suplex. Lloyd counters a suicide dive with a Death Valley Driver into the chair pyramid. They trade blows on the apron. Shotzi hits a Shiranui on the apron. Lloyd gets a bunch of skewers. Blackheart dodges. Blackheart hits a brazilian kick. Shotzi skewers Jimmy Lloyd’s face. Shotzi hits a Tiger Feint Kick. Shotzi gets a pizza box full of thumbtacks and empties it into the ring. Lloyd counters and powerbombs Shotzi into the thumbtacks. Lloyd gets a nearfall.
Lloyd sets up a pane of glass. Lloyd sets up a door. Shotzi gets a weedwhacker. Shotzi gutshots Lloyd with the wheedwhacker. Shotzi hits a Canadian Destroyer. Shotzi throws Lloyd into the glass. Shotzi hits a Destroyer for two. Lloyd hits a Running Powerbomb through the door. Lloyd hits a Tombstone Piledriver for the pinfall.
WINNER: Jimmy Lloyd.
