Wrestlezone has full IMPACT Wrestling United We Stand results. The show kicks-off at 11 p.m. ET.
IMPACT Wrestling United We Stand Results | Jake Crist vs. Johnny Impact vs. Dante Fox vs. Pat Buck vs. Kotto Brazil vs. Ace Austin (Ultimate X Match)
The winner of this match will get a X-Division title shot. Jack Evans was originally set to compete but has been replaced by Ace Austin. As one would expect, the match starts off chaotically as all of the competitors start brawling. The ring largely clears out and Impact is looking to quickly grab the X hanging above the ring but is stopped by Dante Fox. Ace Austin dives to the outside but gets taken out by Jake Crist, who is then taken out by Pat Buck who dives outside to hit Impact. This is a busy match with constant action. Impact teases a dive, but goes for the “X” instead. However, Austin powerbombs him.
As an aside, the stream is running into some technical issues and commentary is now going in and out. The lighting is also pretty bad. It’s strange that IMPACT, who has worldwide television distribution, would have the worst production of any of the shows I’ve seen today. At least the commentary is better than Bloodsport.
Pat Buck came near the “X,” but took a valley piledriver by Crist for his troubles. Impact has been the real star of the match so far, although Fox has also shined in spots. Nearly everyone has grabbed the rope to climb to the “X” and has been slammed down at this point. Seems like an impractical strategy. The latest to be powerbombed is Pat Buck. Impact just took a brutal looking diving DDT to the floor. Fox just hit an awesome springboard backflip onto four of the competitors.
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Wow! Ace Austin climbed to the top of the Ultimate X structure and jumped down and took out everyone else. Should’ve probably just went for the “X” since everyone was already hurt, but I guess his fight IQ isn’t too high. Now four of them are climbing at the “X” at the same time. All of them get thrown off the ropes, so nobody gets it. Crist is currently climbing but got taken down by Buck, who speared him in mid-air. Impact hit a springboard spanish fly on Fox. This has been a great match so far.
Austin is now climbing and wrapped his feet around the rope. WOW! He takes a cutter from Jake Crist. Incredible move. Johnny Impact just sneakily grabbed the “X” while that went down. He has earned the title shot!
IMPACT Wrestling United We Stand Results | Brian Cage, Eddie Edwards & Moose vs. Aerostar, Daga, Drago & Marty The Moth (IMPACT vs. Lucha Underground Handicap Match)
They just showed a promo that I believe was showing dissension between Cage and Edwards, but the audio was so messed up that I couldn’t hear a word they said.
The teams come out and it looks like it will be a handicap match until Tommy Dreamer comes out! IMPACT has another member! It starts off with Eddie Edwards and Aerostar. The action is very fast-paced and they pull off a few drags and sweeps. Nobody has an advantage, though. Now Tommy Dreamer is in the ring with Marty The Moth. Dreamer throws some nice jabs and hits a solid elbow that knocks him to the ground.
Marty tags out and now Drago is in the ring. He delivers a head scissors to Dreamer and then both teams tag out. Now it’s Cage vs. Daga. Cage is showing his intensity and athleticism here. Meeting the agile luchador at every step. He just got a tilt-a-wheel headscissors and then hit a backbreaker. Cage is really remarkable.
Moose tags himself in. Cage is upset and pushes him. They exchange some words and then Aerostar and Daga take a cheap shot. Cage then comes back into the ring and eats a huge corkscrew from Aerostar. The luchadors are doing some really sweet aerial offense until Drago gets caught by Cage, who slams him to the outside. Everyone is down!
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Tommy Dreamer almost took a dive outside but thought better of it. Now he just drank a bottle of water and spit it into Eddie Edwards’ mouth. They have a very strange relationship. Now Edwards is in the ring and he’s going up against Aerostar, who delivers a sick-looking cutter on him but can’t get the pinfall. Edwards is now getting worked over by multiple Lucha Underground members, who keep tagging in and out of the match.
Edwards makes the hot tag and now Cage is in. He quickly takes out Daga and delivers a huge German suplex that is broken up by Marty The Moth. Now it’s chaos in the ring as everyone but Moose is brawling. Drago hits a spinning DDT on Edwards but gets hit with a huge slam by Cage. It looked like Cage was gonna finish the match but Moose just speared his own partner. This led to Dreamer hitting him with a kendo stick and Edwards diving out of the ring to hit Moose again. Marty The Moth takes advantage of the situation, hits his finisher on Tommy Dreamer and Team Lucha Underground wins.
IMPACT Wrestling United We Stand Results | Taya Valkyrie (c) vs. Rosemary vs. Jordynne Grace vs. Katie Forbes (Knockouts Title Match)
Valkyrie cuts a quick promo saying she’ll walk out as champion. Katie Forbes just twerked herself into the ring. What a show, folks.
Rosemary gets quickly thrown out of the ring. My stream went out for a bit, but now we’re live and clear. Rosemary just cleared the ring but is now brawling with Jordynne Grace. She hits an airplane spin on Rosemary, but as she gets up she’s attacked by Katie Forbes who lands the least coordinated scissor kick I’ve ever seen.
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Forbes tries to lift Jordynne but can’t do it. Valkyrie then comes up and German suplexes Forbes. Taya and Grace just ran into each other and now all four women are down in the ring. Now they’re all up and Grace is being a powerhouse. She just slammed all four women until DDT kicked Grace while she was delivering a DDT to Forbes. Now Rosemary spears Valkyrie.
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Su Yung just came out during the match. Rosemary abandons the ring and goes backstage to fight Yung. Forbes shows an impressive amount of strength as she just did several squats with Grace on her back. However, Grace reverses into her finisher and then Taya Vaklyrie steals the pinfall to retain her belt.
IMPACT Wrestling United We Stand Results | LAX vs. Low Ki & Ricky Martinez
Really good video package to kick-off this match. Low Ki’s hitman gimmick sort of seems silly inside the ring if he’s not dominant, but it works great for videos. They are both repping MLW, while LAX is of course IMPACT Wrestling.
Ortiz will start the match against Martinez. They spend the first minute mouthing off instead of actually wrestling. Not a single punch is thrown but Ortiz tags out. Santana and Low Ki are now in. Rather than building anticipation, this was just a boring stretch.
Nothing makes a blood feud feel real like locking up and doing some technical wrestling. The ref breaks them up after Santana grabs the ropes. The same thing happens but with Ki hitting the corner. They lock up for now a fourth time and Low Ki then hits a flying armbar, but it’s against the rope so the referee breaks it up.
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Now they’re both talking a ton of trash but everything is mic’d so poorly that we can’t hear it. Josh Matthews said a “fight is breaking out,” while not a single punch was being thrown. OK.
Now Martinez and Ortiz are in the ring. They’re actually wrestling this time, thankfully. Martinez hits a sweep and an armdrag but can’t keep his opponent on the ground. Ortiz just hit a great suplex into a pinfall attempt, but Ricky kicks out. Ortiz tags out and LAX hits a few tag team maneuvers on Martinez.
Low Ki just got tagged in and he hits a great looking dropkick on Santana. He gets him into the corner and starts elbowing him from a 12-6 angle (that’s illegal in mixed martial arts). Now he’s working the body with uppercuts. He tags out despite clearly having Santana’s number. Now Martinez is mocking his opponent and then drove his opponent’s face into the mat. Low Ki tags himself back in and hits a nice stomp. He’s twisting Santana’s neck and talking more trash, which again, we can’t hear because of the bad audio mix.
Martinez gets tagged back in, does a single punch, and then tags back out. They’re isolating Santana well, but he just managed to dodge an attack and tag Ortiz in. The hot tag is for real as Ortiz clears house. Now he’s going at it with Low Ki and just hit a missile dropkick. This match is starting to become pretty fun after a very slow start. Ortiz just hit a hanging cutter on Martinez but Ki makes the save from the top rope. Wow. Ortiz just got hit with a springboard kick turned into an electric chair by his opponents, but he kicks out.
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Ortiz hits a death valley driver on Martinez and that’s all she wrote.
IMPACT Wrestling United We Stand Results | Tessa Blanchard vs. Joey Ryan
Let it be known that they’ve now said “Penis Party” twice on commentary. This should be a fun match. Blanchard looks so disgusted at Ryan. Josh Matthews acutely points out that, “Joey Ryan wants you to touch it.” Ryan takes the lollipop out of his mouth and into a fan’s mouth. Now he’s applying baby oil. This is performance art.
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Ryan asks for a hug, but Blanchard flips him off instead. Tessa gets his back but disengages after Ryan tries to “get her to touch it.” Blanchard just grabbed Ryan’s chest hair and threw him with it. Now she just hit a codebreaker but Ryan kicks out at two. Ryan then throws her into the steel post. Now he’s wrapped her arm around the guard rail and is doing more damage before throwing her back into the ring.
Ryan is using his size advantage and slams Blanchard to the ground. He continues to work her left arm and shoulder with a variety of holds and moves. Don Callis says that if you can “get past the penis stuff, Ryan is a tough customer in there.”
Blanchard is making a comeback. She just took Ryan out with a dive outside. Now she’s going to the top rope and hits a cannonball but Ryan kicks out. Ryan targets the arm and then throws Blanchard across the ring. Now he’s mockingly posing and then hit a great spinebuster. He’s continuing to work the arm while Tessa writhes in pain. Blanchard comes back by hitting a tornado DDT and then a tilt-a-whirl head scissors into another DDT. However, Ryan kicks out. Really fun exchange!
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Ryan gropes Tessa’s breasts and then German suplexed her. Now Tessa has a handful of Ryan’s genitals and he’s over powering her. “That is one special penis!” exclaims Callis. Blanchard kicks out. Oh no! Ryan pulls out another lollipop from his pants, puts it in Tessa’s mouth and then superkicks her. She kicks out at two, but definitely needs some mouthwash.
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Tessa hits a Magnum after blocking a superplex attempt and wins!
IMPACT Wrestling United We Stand Results | Rich Swann (c) vs. Flamita (Impact X-Division Title Match)
Wow. Just 30 seconds into the match and we’ve had front handsprings, outside dives, and all kind of great maneuvers. This is going to be really fun. Swann gets the best of the initial exchange and starts working Flamita’s body. The champion is in total control until Flamita hits a high kick into a 619. He then delivers a missile dropkick and a great dive outside. This flurry is capped off with a great back stabber, but Swann kicks out at two.
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Swann is able to get back on the offensive with some quick striking. He definitely has a speed advantage as the smaller man. He goes to the middle rope, attempts a dive, misses, and then gets hit with a spanish fly. Flamita then hits a 450 but Swann kicks out. Whenever the luchador is on offense the pace is incredible.
Flamita has the power advantage and is now exchanging strikes with the champion. Swann then hits a great looking stunner on Flamita, but he can’t end the match. Swann goes to the middle rope, hits a phoenix splash and is still the champion.
IMPACT Wrestling United We Stand Results | Sami Callihan vs. Jimmy Havoc (Monster’s Ball Match)
Jimmy Havoc makes his way to the ring and there’s no music. He does have a staple gun, though. Sadly, Callihan has music, so we have to listen to his terrible theme. He comes out with a bat and trash can filled with items. Now the audio mix is so bad that I can’t hear the commentary. They’re charging $40 for this, folks.
Havoc flips Callihan off, jabs him, and uses the staple gun on his opponent’s chest in the first 30 seconds. Oh, no. He just stapled Callihan’s groin. Callihan grabs the ring bell and hits Havoc with it and a chair. Despite bringing a trash can filled with stuff, Callihan is now looking under the ring for weapons. He throws a trashcan and multiple chairs into the ring. Havoc is busted open from the bell and now Callihan is choking him with a chain.He then tosses him into the ringpost. This has been all Sami past the opening minute.
Compared to the rest of the action tonight, this is a very plodding match. Havoc just landed something but the camera completely missed it. He then runs the long way around the ring but doesn’t really attack as we then get a weird comedy spot in a deathmatch. Havoc puts on the “groin claw” and both men are on the apron. Callihan just hit a piledriver.
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Rather than going for a pin, Callihan throws more weapons into the ring. They go back into the ring for the first time since the very beginning of the match. Callihan digs through his trashcan to find a stapler. Callihan staples the forehead of Havoc. Now he’s stapling a newspaper to Havoc’s arms. It’s probably just the audio issues, but these spots seem so incredibly sad as there’s no audible response from the crowd.
Callihan is now hitting Havoc with a frying pan. Now he squirted lemon juice into the busted up forehead of Havoc. OK. He then puts a garbage can over Havoc’s head and swings away with a bad. Havoc just headbutted Callihan while wearing the trash can. That was probably the first time I’ve been entertained this match. Now Havoc is … untying the shoe of Callihan.He’s using sandpaper to cut his foot. Now he just poured salt on him. Your mileage may vary, obviously, but this match has really slowed down an otherwise fun card.
Havoc just poured a bunch of LEGOs onto the ring, but gets hit with a piledriver onto them. This isn’t effective as Havoc kicks out at one. Now Callihan is setting up several chairs and just hit another piledriver. It’s over as Sami wins.
IMPACT Wrestling United We Stand Results | Pentagon Jr. & Rey Fenix vs. Sabu & Rob Van Dam (Extreme Dream Match)
Main event time! Lucha Bros are both wearing awesome headdresses that are samurai inspired. They look so cool. Meanwhile, RVD and Sabu look … old but it’s still great to see them. Van Dam comes out to his old TNA theme song.
The crowd chants “This is awesome!” before the match has begun. It appears that this is a tornado tag match as all four men have been in the ring the entire time. The four men go to the outside and start brawling. Sabu hits a flying clothesline on Fenix and Van Dam plants Pentagon and then hits a rolling thunder. It’s all the veterans early on and Van Dam hits a great monkey flip on Fenix. Van Dam looks so much bigger than either of the luchadors.
The Lucha Bros. finally get some momentum back and hit a pair of superkicks on Sabu. RVD then takes a pair of strieks from the duo and then the luchadors hit a great splash on Van Dam. However, the wily veterans wind up reversing the momentum and fetch a table from the outside. The ECW veterans get attacked and it is the Lucha Bros. that setup the table. However, the luchadors get placed on it and both Van Dam and Sabo dive on the table at the same time. That looked brutal. They go for a cover but both of the luchadors kickout at two.
Van Dam goes for a top rope move but gets hit with a chair by Pentagon. A spiked piledriver is hit on Sabu and the Lucha Bros. are your winners!
