(1) Tyson Kidd & Cesaro def. Big E & Kofi Kingston in 11:03.
New Day controlled early and the “heels” controlled late, each team with some great double team moves. Cesaro was more over than anybody, and there were even some “New Day Sucks” chants. Big E speared Cesaro through the ropes, to the floor in a big spot. The spot of the match saw Cesaro hit a massive uppercut on Kofi, dead-lift superplex him back into the ring, right into a springboard elbow drop from Tyson for a nearfall. Everyone does their signatures at the end, Adam Rose at ringside takes a Trouble in Paradise, and Kidd wins clean with the Fisherman neckbreaker. Really good. [6.5]
(2) The Ascension def. The New Age Outlaws in 5:25.
Five minutes of rest holds, followed by Billy Gunn getting caught in the Fall of Man. The Ascension had no heat at all; the crowd couldn’t have cared less. [2]
(3) The Usos (c) def. The Miz & Damien Mizdow to retain the WWE Tag Team Championships in 9:20.
Mizdow didn’t get a single tag from start to finish. Miz remained in control for the first half of the match, but wasted time taunting Mizdow and it turned the tide. They did the obligatory suicide dive spot and Miz threw his partner in front of Jimmy, then almost dropped Jay on his head. A superkick/powerbomb/top rope splash combo put away Miz in a middle-of-the-road match where the champs were an afterthought compared to a guy who never tagged in. This wasn’t awful, but it was at least the 10th time these teams have been in televised action this month. [3]
(4) The Bella Twins def. Paige & Natalya in 8:04.
A solid exchange between Natalya and Nikki opened the match, which settled into Brie playing the whipping girl for several minutes. The ref messes up a tag and it gives the twins a chance to double team Natalya. Brie does her “Brie Mode” thing and nobody cares. Nikki with a Figure Four headlock with some posturing – shades of Charlotte? – and Nattie powers up into an electric chair drop. Paige wants the hot tag at the end, but Brie whips her off the apron and Nikki wins the match with a rolling forearm. [4]
(5) Brock Lesnar (c) def. Seth Rollins & John Cena to retain the WWE World Heavyweight Championship in 22:52.
Lesnar does his thing, suplexing everyone including J&J Security to dominate the first act. There’s a Kimura lock early on but Cena powers him up and Rollins takes them both out with a flying knee from the top. The challengers work together briefly, but it falls apart quickly. John tries to do his spots and the crowd pops big when Lesnar kills him with another set of suplexes. Seth came off the springboard and Brock caught him in midair with the F5 for what would have been spot-of-the-night in any normal match. Lesnar no-sold three straight AA’s, so Cena tackled him through the barricade. Rollins put Brock through the Spanish table with one of the best top rope elbow drops in history, in a spot that put the champ on a stretcher and out of the match for several minutes. Cena and Rollins work alone for the entire third act. J&J come back and take a double AA. Rollins takes an AA for a nearfall. Cena takes a Curb Stomp for a nearfall. Seth hits an insane corkscrew moonsault on Cena, but Lesnar comes back from the dead and suplexes everyone. Rollins hits him with the briefcase twice, goes for the Curb Stomp, but Lesnar catches him with the F5 to win. If you pressed me for my ONE issue with this match, it’s that nobody even tried to throw a dead Brock Lesnar back in the ring and cover him. [9.5]
(6) Roman Reigns won the 30-Man Royal Rumble match in 59:40.
With the exception of Bully Ray and DDP, everyone involved in this match looked worse coming out then going in. Too many opportunities wasted. Bryan even being in the match or brought back to TV was unacceptable given the result. The Rock was obvious pandering by WWE and it backfired. Ziggler and Ryback looked like garbage despite the last two months of booking against them. The heat on Bray Wyatt ended up being pointless. Big Show looked like he barely wanted to be there. The one or two memorable moments were totally squashed by a sea of ineptitude. [0]
All scores are out of a possible 10.
Average (with pre-show) = 42%
Average (no pre-show) = 37%
