Welcome, WrestleZone readers, to a very special edition of Offbeat Shenanigans. Iâll be taking a look into my crystal ball – which I bought at Arielâs garage sale – and attempting to see into pro wrestlingâs near future. Who will the winners and losers be, and what surprises might pop up in the coming months? Weâll soon find out, but first…letâs take a look at this weekâs featured letter from the columnâs readers.
Hey Kmac,
You seem to be the resident Wrestlezone TNA writer. Quick question, how do you get past the storylines? For all the wonderful action that happens, it gets erased in two seconds with terrible story.
Thanks
Mike
Well, Mike, thanks, first off, for acknowledging my TNA endeavors. As for your statement about the companyâs creative shortcomings, Iâd point the same finger at Raw, Smackdown, or ECW at different times. But, youâre right, TNA does seem to have a bit more trouble with story than the rest. I watch it, mostly, for the terrific in-ring performances. So, each week, I just hope there’ll be plenty of match time and less other stuff.
Another thing I can honestly say is that TNA really tends to step things up on their pay-per-views. If youâre a big fan of the wrestling TNA provides, but have yet to see one of their pay-per-views, youâd do well to check one out. TNA pay-per-views tend to have more wrestling, less backstage stuff, and cleaner match endings than those in WWE.
Weâre about to see what TNA has in store for itself in the coming months, as well as what the future holds for WWE. So, as I gaze into the aforementioned crystal ball, here are…
âThe Next 6 Months in Pro Wrestlingâ
Event: Batista Becomes an Internet Sensation
When: Sometime This Week
âStone Coldâ Steve Austin once said that he preferred comedy in wrestling to come as a result of a character âunintentionallyâ being funny. This probably isnât what Austin meant, but Batista sort of did this very thing on the November 12th edition of Raw. Seems like Big Dave was reading back the showâs script in his mind, but he slipped and read his lines backwards.
In the showâs opening promo, a sniffling and wheezing Batista hyped the Hell in a Cell match by saying it was a setting where âWeapons are not only welcomed…but theyâre allowed.â Funny, my parents welcome my Grandmom to their house, too. And, sometimes…they even ALLOW her to be there. Later this week, someone on a nerdy message board will isolate this one line, and itâll be all over sites like YTMND and You Tube. Batista will never live down his semantics flub.
Event: Edge Will Win the Royal Rumble
When: January 27, 2008
The Edgester is about to make his long-awaited return from rehabbing his torn pectoral muscle, and heâs going to want to get right back into the World Heavyweight Title picture. Batista and The Undertaker are done, as of Sunday, if Batista wins. In that case, Batista will defend his title against an upper midcard guy, like Finlay, at the Rumble. If â~Taker gets the belt back, âThe Animalâ will get a rematch at Royal Rumble. Either way, Edge is out of the title hunt until at least after the Rumble.
Edge has been a steady main event guy the past few years, holding brand heavyweight titles on three separate occasions. What he needs is something to push him to the next level. Winning the Rumble puts him into an elite league, and it also earns him a WrestleMania title shot. Bonus points if itâs against The Undertaker, as he could also have the chance to end the Dead Manâs streak. Edge will be the first heel to win the Rumble since Vince won it in 1999. Maybe heâll also end Undertakerâs streak. Unfortunately, he lost Money in the Bank last year, so it wonât be a Streak vs. Streak match.
Event: The Motor City Machine Guns Win the TNA Tag Titles
When: Sometime in January
The Motor City Machine Guns are moving up the card in TNA, slowly but surely. For a while, theyâll be feuding with Team 3D. This feud will have positive and negative results for the team while itâs going on but, ultimately, a tag match against Styles and Tomko on Impact will give the team their first tag title run in TNA.
Team 3D could very well be their first challengers. In that case, MCMG had better be willing to fight to keep their belts…as Team 3D tends to demand title shot after title shot whenever they feel like it.
Event: Chris Jericho Turns Heel
When: On the road to No Way Out
Chris Jericho, by default, will return as a fan favorite. Fans miss him, and, frankly, he misses the fans. So, for a little while, heâs going to get some of the biggest crowd reactions in recent history. However, Jericho is a natural heel, and he wonât be able to prevent himself from going back to his old ways for long. Look for Jericho to start a feud with Shawn Michaels or Triple H going into WrestleMania.
Event: Kaz Turns Heel and Feuds with Sting
When: Sometime in February
Yes, another heel turn. February will be full of â~em. Kaz will get his TNA title shot, guaranteed by his win at Genesis, at Final Resolution â~08. Heâll face Kurt Angle but, due to outside interference, he wonât win the match. Donât be fooled, though: this wonât be the end of Kazâs run in the main event picture.
Kaz will form a new game plan shortly after the event. A feud with Sting will benefit him in the long run, and Kaz will know this. When the time is right, look for Kaz to turn against Sting. The two will have their first one on one match at Against All Odds. Iâm not telling you who wins that one, but Kaz will be TNAâs breakout star of 2008.
Event: Jeff Hardy is the New âMr. Money in the Bankâ
When: WrestleMania XXIV, March 30, 2008
Jeff Hardy is a Swanton or two away from the main event, as it is. The crystal ball reveals that heâll challenge for the WWE title, on a pay-per-view stage, within the next year. How will he get there? Well, just read above, buddy. Heâs a seasoned veteran in the art of the ladder match, and he couldâve very well won last yearâs Money in the Bank if he hadnât taken himself and Edge out of the match.
The Money in the Bank prize is the perfect thing for Hardy, and, until he gets his WWE title shot, the briefcase will make him appear on the cusp of main event competition. Thereâs even a good chance that – gasp – he could WIN the strap before the end of 2008. Believe it.
Event: Shark Boy and Abyss Form an Oddball Tag Team
When: Early April
When Abyss is kept out of serious, main event competition for too long, his gimmick is going to have no choice but to go and turn silly. Shark Boy is talented and has been helpful to the company for several years. Thus, heâs bound to get a push. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending how entertained you are by storylines like this one), the push comes at the hand of this team. Nonetheless, a push is a push. Abyss may even show a surprising comic range, before he turns on Shark Boy and returns to the upper midcard.
Event: Booker T Wins the TNA Title
When: Lockdown, date TBA (hey, aren’t I predicting enough here?)
Seems like the switch from WWE was a good idea, after all! Booker T will compete in the Six Sides of Steel, along with five other wrestlers. Who the champion is going in looks hazy, but itâs obvious whoâs taking the title home. After feuding with Christian Cage and Kurt Angle (both of whom are in the match), Booker pins one of them to walk away with his first piece of TNA gold.
Event: Bryan Danielson Regains the ROH World Title
When: May
This is the sole non-WWE, non-TNA prediction of the lot, but itâs also one of the most bankable. Danielson reigned atop ROH for 15 months, from 2005-2006. Nigel McGuiness is the current top dog for the promotion, but his seven month reign will come to an end in May, when Danielson defeats his old rival in an epic battle. Around the same time, TNA and WWE will express interest in signing both McGuiness and former champion, Takeshi Morishima. Morishima will refuse to meet with either company, while McGuiness will let each buy him a few expensive meals.
So, there we have it. Plenty of solid predictions for you, and here are a few more vague ones…roughly in order…all which will occur between May and the end of 2008.
Christopher Daniels begins to appear in main event matches
Nattie Neidhart debuts on Raw and wins the Womenâs title
Triple H turns heel and surprises no one…feuds with Bobby Lashley
Santino Marella will move to Smackdown in the draft lottery
Robert Roode and Sting feud extensively
MVP in the main event
Gregory Helms returns to Smackdown as The Hurricane
Samoa Joe will, finally, win the TNA World title
Okay, I think thatâs enough for today. Agree or disagree with any of my predictions? Got some of your own? Email me at [email protected] and let me know. You could very well see your comments and predictions posted here in next weekâs column!
Kevin McElvaney is also a contributing writer for Pro Wrestling Illustrated and The Wrestler.
