So, what wrestling show do you watch most?
For me, itâs easy: AWA Wrestling on ESPN Classic. The timingâs right: Itâs late at night, when the Romilar is starting to kick in. The announcing is so horrific, it makes me feel better about my time on WCW TV. Adorable Adrian Adonis eschewed homosexuality upon returning to the AWA, so parents, if you want your gay son âdeprogrammed,â Verne Gagne is the guy to call. (Call fast.) Youâd never know Paul Heyman turned out to be a wrestling genius judging from his cliché-ridden, phony laugh-driven promos. Nick Bockwinkel was really old, but still really good. Tommy Rich wasnât that old, but really burnt out. What better way to honor the incredible career of Wahoo McDaniel than by continually misspelling his name âMcDanielsâ on the graphic? And interviewer Larry Nelson did better facials than Teri Weigel.
Nothing, however, is like traveling to Larryland.
Itâs the guiltiest of pleasures, but Larry Zbyszkoâs nonsensical self-aggrandizing filibusters are truly epic and either cure or cause sleep apnea, I forget which. Why the heck is he wearing a gi? Well, because he carries nunchakus. Oh. Why does he carry nunchakus? It sure ainât because heâs schooled in the martial arts, because a guy with a black belt, or a purple belt, or any belt would just go in there and chop down his foe (WHOOO!) instead of STALLING FOR AT LEAST 10 MINUTES BEFORE LOCKING UP, and thatâs even on TV matches. TV time was valuable then as now, but AWA booking was so stuck for ideas that they allowed Larry to stall for ONE-SIXTH of some TV shows. (Note to TNA: Try that with Kurt Angle.)
Larry pioneered the art of marrying the promoterâs daughter, then usurping the kingdom; Triple H perfected it (and picked a much more lucrative kingdom).
Watching AWA on ESPN makes you realize how truly bad the AWA was; so bad that it couldnât even take advantage of nationwide ESPN exposure to draw money in Hibbing, MN.
It also makes you realize how important lesser promotions that basically nobody watched were. Curt Hennig was, at best, average when he was AWA champ. His promos were clumsy and trite. His work was solid, but he missed a lot of spots, too. But it didnât matter, because Hennig was merely learning his craft in AAA ball. When he got to the bigs, he benefitted from that experience.
These days, young guys go right from the training center to national TV, and when they suck, you canât UNSEE it. Case in point: Kenny Dykstra. Heâs 22, and heâs done.
Hey, what a great time to be a black man in WWE. Mark Henry was, sadly, the victim of Michael Hayesâ racial insensitivity â” and heâs now ECW CHAMP! Coincidence, Iâm sure. Just to make sure we all understand that WWE is a safe haven for inexplicably underused wrestlers of African-American descent, Ron Killings is coming in with a major push. Teddy Long is reprising his poor manâs Don Cornelius routine on ECW TV, and Kofi Kingston got to (kinda) beat Chris Jericho.
Yes, itâs a great time to be black and in WWE.
Unless youâre Shadd Gaspar, and Cody Rhodes tells you to shine his shoes on live national TV.
THE PILLMAN CHRONICLES: As I struggle to fill spaceâ¦I mean, as this column grows, I will tell tales of the late, great Brian Pillman, my close friend who often called at odd hours with hare-brained schemes.
To wit: I was getting ready to head to Tempe, AZ, to cover Super Bowl XXX for the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette. Brian, who was in the middle of that convoluted work/shoot angle that involved every single promotion in North America, had an idea: He would chain himself to the goalpost at the Super Bowl on live national TV.
Me: âGee, Brian, thatâs a great idea.â (And it was)
Brian: âI bet youâre wondering how you figure into this.â
Me: âWell, Iâ¦â
Brian: âYou have to give me your press pass. That way Iâll be able to get near the field without attracting too much attention. Iâll be chained to the goalpost before anyone knows what happened.â
At this point I explained to Brian that if I gave him my press pass, A) I couldnât get into the game and B) I would be fired by the Post-Gazette and probably never work in journalism again.
Brian: â(long pause)â¦Look, I canât be the only one making sacrifices.â
