âYes, hi, this is Tiffany Flair. I was wondering if you have Ricky Steamboatâs cell number?â
Kim Kardashianâs caboose. Pamela Andersonâs winnebagoâs. Mr. McMahonâs gluteal cleft. There certainly can be too much of a good thing. (Except McMahonâs cleft – nothing good about that at all.)
And thus the WWE proves it with a couple moves that prove they need to ratchet back on this outside-the-box thinking just a couple of notches.
First, Mike Adumbass is the general manager of âRaw.â He joins Ric Flair, Eric Bishoff, Steve Austin, Mick Foley, Vince McMahon, Jonathan Coachman and William Regal in the pantheon of men who have occupied that corner locker. The sad part is – some reviewers have actually complimented Adumbass on how he has performed in the role. This represents diminished expectations at its ripest. âIf I suck hard at everything and then only suck a little at one thing – people will like me and think Iâm worth $300K a year!â Fred Ottman, please pick up the white courtesy phone.
Secondly, Freddie Prinze, Jr. has been added to creative. This ranks right up there with Bob Mould as assistant booker of WCW and David Arquette – World Champion. Donât get me wrong. Bob Mould is as good a musician as I have heard (please go buy âCopper Blueâ by Sugar) and David Arquette was as genuinely as nice a guy I ever ran across – but letâs get serious. If being a nice guy translated into money in wrestling, Bob Cook would have been a multi-time World Champ. He wasnât.
Freddie Prinze, Jr. Good grief.
So, as the latest in on ongoing series of public services for the WWE, I present 5 Ideas More Stupid Than Naming Freddie Prinze, Jr. To The Creative Team:
5. âWho Wants To Be A Booker?â (A new FOX reality show.) – Host Lee Marshall presents amateur contestants from around the nation as they present their fool-proof storylines that are performed by WWE superstars. Each week, judges Terry Funk, Major Gunns and Bill Watts critique the ideas and the American people vote one contestant out. The ultimate winner is given the authority to book the opening match at Wrestlemania XXV and a Captain Mike Rotunda t-shirt.
4. Buddy Landell, EMT – First, hire Buddy. Then, week after week have someone âinjuredâ by JBL on âRawâ requiring the full compliment of emergency medical technicians to treat the harmed party at ringside. Buddy is an unidentified EMT every week. Until one week a liquored-up Bradshaw attacks Buddy. Buddy makes the comeback, chases Bradshaw and cuts one of those Buddy Landell promos setting up the feud. âMy God!,â Cole screams, âThatâs Buddy Landell! And heâs an EMT!â Adumbass immediately announces Beth Phoenix vs. Mickie James in a âJog Bra and Granny Panties Matchâ for the PPV.
3. âThe Interchangeable: Brian Kendrick – Week one, he shows up as Kona Krush Kendrick complete with forehead tattoo and worked Hawaiian accent. Week two, he is Brian Adam Bomb. Week three he is Kronik, working a tag team match by himself. Week four he is Grandmaster Sexay Brian Kendrick. Week five he is The Loose Cannon Brian Kendrick threatening to unleash little Brian on a waiting world. And it goes on. Money.
2. âAre You Smarter Than Big Van Vader?â – An on-line trivia game hosted by Joey Styles pitting pudgy 30-somethings living in their parentsâ basement against a pudgy 50-something former world champion (living in his parentsâ basement). Every week the show ends with Vader power bombing Styles through a chalkboard.
1. Sid Vicious – In any role.
Honorable Mention: âWhere in the World Is Braden Walker?â Video Game; The 21st Century Four Horsemen: Reid Flair, Bryant Anderson, Brian âLugerâ Pfohl and HHH; General Manager The Free Credit Report Dot Com Slacker Singer Guy;
Ya see? You can over-correct. Seriously, I admire the WWE for realizing they had a reeking stagnation problem in that they pushed the same five guys over and over for over 2 years. But they may have gone just a hair over the dam. Pull it back, guys, and you will be fine.
I was wondering, what is the wait time for Space Mountain now that the ride has been re-opened?
