So, Karen Angle has reportedly filed for divorce from TNA mainstay Kurt Angle. I canât believe it. If those two canât make it, what chance do the rest of us have?
On a serious note, Iâm sorry about the split of the Angles. But I canât say Iâm surprised. As I said on Nitro before the (ultimately aborted) on-air marriage of David Flair and Stacy Keibler, âYeah, this is a GREAT idea. Iâm SURE itâs going to work out, absolutely POSITIVE. Look at the McMichaels, Poffos and Sullivans and how happy they are. Things are TERRIFIC with all of those couples.â
(On a funny note, what if my next book about a member of the Flair family wasnât a sequel to Ricâs autobiography, but one ghost-written for David: âI NAILED STACY KEIBLERâ. Best-seller, for sure.)
Itâs been proven over and over: If both members of a marriage work in wrestling, the marriage falls apart. It happens a lot more often than not.
Part of it is the so-called reality-based booking that takes real-life schisms between couples and magnifies them for the sake of on-air âentertainment.â When a husband talks terribly to a wife on-camera, she wonât forget whatâs said even if itâs part of a script. That goes (at least) double if whatâs said refers even vaguely to something thatâs a point of contention at home.
And when half the couple becomes a bigger star than the other half â” which ALWAYS happens, because rarely are two performers at EXACTLY the same level, though the Poffos came close â” the lesser half either gets jealous and/or is marginalized off-camera by the more prominent half.
Case in point: When I was in WCW, Debra McMichael just HAD to be on TV. Then she HAD to be featured as much as her husband Steve. Then she HAD to be featured MORE than her husband. Then performing with Steve was beneath her. Then being married to Steve was beneath her. Then she married Steve Austin and made him miserable, too.
The saddest part was, there was NO REASON WHATSOEVER to have Debra on TV. She had zero talent besides being bitchy and she was good-looking, but not overwhelmingly so. You know why Steve McMichael lobbied to get his wife on TV? SO SHE WOULD SHUT THE HECK UP. Was that worth Mongo putting his marriage at risk?
I knew Debra. The answer was yes, absolutely.
It took Diamond Dallas Page and Kimberly until after their wrestling careers were over to split up, but hereâs a factoid: I kept that marriage together. Kimberly was openly fretting about Page inexplicably being a bigger star than her (a lot of people did that) until I fed her the moniker âDDMe,â which she then used to abuse Page during their on-air split. It enabled her to become a BIG star, which made it all the more confounding when Kim called me at home one night to scream a half-dozen F-bombs in my ear because I had ridiculed her husband during my duties as Nitro color commentator.
I was even more incredulous when Kim charged me $1.98 per minute, her standard rate for talking dirty. I initially refused to pay, but then Okerlund pointed out the irony.
I coined âDDMe,â by the way. Pretty clever, huh?
On the flip side, Shawn Michaels married Nitro Girl Rebecca Curci â” a mixed marriage between WWE and WCW personnel â” but Rebecca (or Whisper Michaels, if you prefer) never appeared on WWE TV except once recently to further her husbandâs angle with Chris Jericho. The Hickenbottoms have been happily hitched for nearly 10 years.
Rebecca could have been a diva. Sheâs hotter and more talented the Debra McMichael, for Godâs sake. But the Hickenbottoms chose to stay married instead.
My advice to wrestlers is: Donât let your significant other appear on TV. Or better yet, donât have a significant other. Be like Batista, nail everything that moves, then brag about it in your book.
DISQO FEVER
So, the artist formerly known as Disqo says Iâm bitter about not being in the wrestling business and that I donât watch TNA Impact. A) Iâm not bitter and B) I do watch Impact. Most times I wish I didnât. But I do.
But letâs say I am bitter. And letâs say I donât watch Impact.
How, exactly, does that affect my critique of Vince Russoâs booking âcareerâ?
You can tell Disqo is a true Russo disciple because heâs adept at illogically deflecting criticism, just like Russo himself. If you donât want to answer a question, ignore it and create a different issue. My alleged bitterness is irrelevant. Watching Impact enables me to analyze more accurately, to be sure, but all I need are the ratings. The numbers donât lie. Impact has no momentum by any definition of the word, and it doesnât sell PPVs.
So, I pose this query to Disqo (and the duck can help answer): What is Russo doing thatâs working? Donât tell me whatâs good, because thatâs just opinion. Tell me whatâs working.
I can answer that: Nothing. Nothing TNA does is making any tangible positive impact on the bottom line, except maybe TNAâs video game â” which, I have a hunch, Russo didnât design.
Donât believe the opinion of those who rely on TNA for a paycheck. What the heck else is a guy like Disqo going to say? In fact, most dirt-sheet and Internet analysts err of the side of praise when it comes to TNAâs garbage because they want TNA to prosper because it makes for a healthier business.
But, again, the numbers donât lie. TNA stinks. The only way that can be refuted is by doing better business.
STRIPPING THINGS DOWN
A previous column touched on which Divas/Knockouts would make the best strippers. Candice Michelle was rated No. 3, and an Internet video of someone who certainly appears to be Candice entertaining passers-by from a hotel balcony during Mardi Gras does nothing to dissuade my opinion.
A deluge of e-mails have come my way suggesting additions to the list, and the overwhelming pick is Kelly Kelly. Someone has to wear the schoolgirl outfit, after all.
Add Missy Hyatt to the Hall of Fame, because she was an actual stripper. Hereâs a disclaimer, though: she was AWFUL. Oh, she was hot enough what with all the plastic surgery, but she didnât dance, she lurched around in a manner that wouldnât have aroused a Japanese soldier who had spent 20 extra years in the jungle thinking World War II was still going on. So she should have been a Nitro Girl
