Ric Flair will likely wrestle Masa Chono at the Tokyo Dome Jan. 4. Flair, who had his â<80><9c>finalâ<80> match vs. Shawn Michaels at the last WrestleMania, is reportedly saying his â<80><9c>retirementâ<80> doesnâ<80><99>t count in Japan, and may have even had his fingers crossed during all his promos leading up to â<80>~Mania.
Wrestling â<80><9c>puristsâ<80> have their collective knickers in a twist over Flairâ<80><99>s double-cross, calling it â<80><9c>sad,â<80> â<80><9c>patheticâ<80> and â<80><9c>dishonestâ<80> and saying that it â<80><9c>tarnishes his legacy.â<80> These rubes obviously donâ<80><99>t know the restorative power of Tarn-X, available on the Internet and at fine hardware stores everywhere!
If Flair does wrestle at the Tokyo Dome, heâ<80><99>s going to get a six-figure payoff. That buys a lot of Tarn-X.
Terry Funk had so many â<80><9c>retirement matches,â<80> I lost count. Hulk Hogan has no intention of ever going away. Itâ<80><99>s only wrestling. Money is all that matters. Not legacies, not honesty, not truth in packaging and certainly not following through on a â<80><9c>promiseâ<80> made in the heat of a scripted storyline. Bobby Ewing died on â<80><9c>Dallas,â<80> but series producers later repealed his death by making it part of a year-long dream sequence. Flairâ<80><99>s comeback in Japan is basically the same concept. You can always edit fiction.
If you want to consider Flairâ<80><99>s legacy, consider that he wrestled full-time until he was 59 and had damn good matches until the end. Were Flairâ<80><99>s matches as good at the conclusion of his career as they were during his prime? No. But Flairâ<80><99>s quality performances at his advanced age and his general longevity provide a new kind of legacy, one that will be enhanced by wrestling in front of a packed Tokyo Dome.
Will Shawn Michaels be upset? I doubt it. Michaels will probably be happy his friend can get another big payday. Flair wrestling at the Tokyo Dome will not erase or diminish the electricity of his â<80>~Mania bout with Michaels. Anyway, most American wrestling fans will never even know Flair wrestled again.
This isnâ<80><99>t an independent show in Gastonia. This is a big-time event at a very special wrestling venue against a very special foe (though itâ<80><99>s highly unlikely a Flair-Chono match will rival the excellence of the last Flair-Michaels match). Who knows, Flair might even get to win. (OK, probably not.)
I want whatâ<80><99>s best for Flair. A big payoff is whatâ<80><99>s best for Flair. And if he can do it one more time after that, he should do it one more time after that.
While Flair gets courted to sell out the Tokyo Dome, Hulk Hoganâ<80><99>s Celebrity Championship Wrestling debuted to massive indifference and crap ratings. Anybody else get a kick out of that?
It took a long, long time. But the past few years have elevated the true legend, and theyâ<80><99>ve revealed Hogan as a cheap carny huckster who could never earn the respect Flair has. Think about THAT, Hulkamaniacs, when the â<80><9c>Nature Boyâ<80> is selling out the Tokyo Dome while the Hulkster is teaching Danny Bonaduce how to mangle a hiptoss. WHOOO!â<80>
By the way, the rumor is that the freshly-free Nick Hogan will go from jail straight back into reality TV. The Hogans really are a latter-day Jim and Margaret Anderson (if you ignore the steroids and the implants and if Bud had crashed the familyâ<80><99>s Dodge Meadowbrook and paralyzed Kippy Watkins for life and if Margaret had gotten nailed by one of Princessâ<80><99> male classmates after dumping Jim). Anybody know when the â<80><9c>Parents of the Yearâ<80> awards banquet is?
AVAILABLE SOON FROM OPRAHâ<80><99>S BOOK CLUBâ<80>¦
Shari Tyree, the ex-wife of Jim Hellwig a/k/a the Ultimate Warrior, is working on a tell-all book. Hereâ<80><99>s an excerpt from the news release/book pitch:
â<80><9c>Only Shari Tyree knows the stunning truth behind the Warriorâ<80><99>s face paint. Hellwig was a man possessed by demons, abusing steroids to achieve his massive, muscular frame, and then pain medications and anti-anxiety drugs to quell his fears, who had led a secretive double life that filled his marriage with turmoil and doubts about his fidelity, and even his sexuality. The avowed anti-homosexual avenger and anti-drug advocate battled with his own duality, and became the engine of his own destruction.â<80>
Yuck. If only Ms. Tyree knows the â<80><9c>stunning truth,â<80> is there any way she could keep it to herself?
I wonder if the â<80><9c>stunning truthâ<80> is actually true, or if the â<80><9c>stunning truthâ<80> is that Ms. Tyree is angling for a payoff to NOT publish the book? I wonder whose reputation would be most damaged by this book, Warriorâ<80><99>s or, perhaps, those who employed him and/or worked with him? This is all mere speculation on my part, of course. The one definite truth is this: Iâ<80><99>m glad Iâ<80><99>m not rewriting/editing this one. Iâ<80><99>d rather work on a sequel to â<80><9c>Vulgar.â<80>
You know, the â<80><9c>Avowed Anti-Homosexual Avengerâ<80> sounds like a good name for a heel.
