When I worked for WCW, I often championed the idea of pushing a wrestler as the cruiserweight bully, a cruiserweight-sized wrestler who went against the grain, who didnât specialize in flying, who preferred to ground and pound.
I thought somebody like the late Chris Candido (my pick for the role) punching guys like Rey Mysterio and Juventud Guerrera in the face after foiling a huracanrana would manufacture decent heat while further establishing the high-flyers as babyfaces with kid appeal. After all, what kid hasnât had to deal with a bully?
My idea, of course, was never used. In WCW, the quality of the idea didnât matter. It was more about who had the idea. I lobbied for years; it never got done. It became a running joke among the guys I hung out with. Whenever a group of wrestlers would sit around brainstorming, Scott Hall or Kevin Nash would always say, âHey, what about that cruiserweight bully idea Madden had?â (These are the same guys, donât forget, who yelled, âLet me speak on this!â every time Konnan opened his mouth backstage. For YEARS.) When Nash started beating up the X Division at TNA, he opened one promo by saying, âStanding before you is the cruiserweight bully.â
Now â” almost a decade later â” we may finally get to see a true cruiserweight bully.
The inside word is that WWE will put the incredibly talented Low Ki under a mask and have him beat the crap out of Mysterio, sparking a feud between the two. How weâre supposed to be shocked by that after Rey survived Kane is unclear. But with WWE becoming more kid-friendly, violence between cartoon characters seems logical, and the matches between the two â” if theyâre allowed to do their stuff â” will be incredible.
The best angles â” heck, the best movie and TV scripts â” are the ones that dramatize real life while closely mirroring it. Kane beating on Rey was surreal. Low Ki picking on Rey is right out of the schoolyard. Like I said, what kid hasnât had to deal with a bully?
Itâs great to see Low Ki get a break. Heâs occasionally been too idealistic for his own good, but this is a perfect spot for him.
Only one thing could stop him: a lawsuit for theft of intellectual property.
REBUTTING THE REBUTTAL
Critics of my ROH column last week have pointed out that I ignored the title reigns of CM Punk (WWE) and Samoa Joe (TNA) when I said that ROH alumni have not made significant impact in the big time. Well, if I ignored those title reigns, so did most fans. TNAâs visibility certainly didnât increase when Joe had the belt. In WWE, not only was Punkâs reign ignored by me and by most fans, it was ignored by the company, too. When Punk and SD Jones won the tag belts recently, the announcers didnât even acknowledge Punk as a former world champ. Itâs like it never happened.
If you judge a wrestlerâs value by how often he holds phony championships in a phony sport, well, thereâs a term for that: MARK.
A LOOK BACK AT WCW INSANITY (one in a series)
When I was color commentator at Nitro, WCW had a tag team called Kronik (Bryan Clark and the late Bryan Adams). Kronik, of course, is a reference to marijuana. Kronikâs ring gear was adorned with stylized dope leaves. Their finisher was called âHigh Times.â
Like any good wrestling announcer that watched a lot of Kevin Smith movies, I immediately started peppering my commentary with pot puns. For example, a Kronik clothesline was said to induce âblunt force trauma.â Kronik used a full nelson into a suplex as a precursor to their finisher; I nicknamed that the âfatty-boom-batty.â This was done with the approval of the two Bryans, both good guys and funny guys, too.
One day a producer said to me, hey, Standards & Practices wants you to knock off the pot references. I said, âLet me see if I have this straight: The name â~Kronikâ itself is a pot reference. They wear pot leaves on their outfits. Their finisher is â~High Times.â But you donât want me to use pot references during their matches.â
âThatâs right,â the producer said, staring at me as if I had three heads.
It was a frustrating day at the office. Good thing I was holding.
