Rankings (That don’t really matter)
1.) CM Punk, Nexus paterfamilias– First he single handily made RAW a water cooler (or Internet forum) event as the Diet Soda drinking, Colt Cabana T-Shirt wearing, joke and a wink color commentator. Now he’s infused life back into a dying angle and made the impossible to please 18 to 34 male demographic actually WANT to watch a John Cena match.
2.) Mr. Anderson, A**hole- Proving that Randy Orton can only hold back your career for so long, the star of Behind Enemy Lines: Columbia has risen to the top of the TNA junk pile. Done right, this could actually be interesting.
3.) Kaitlyn, WWE’s NeXT Diva- For giving Google Image Search something to do.
4.) Ricardo Rodriquez, Alberto Del Riiiiiiioooooo’s personal ring announcer- When Del Rio eventually wins his first title, that heel heat is going to be cemented by Rodriquez really rolling that “r” as he announces the new champion to a disgusted crowd. And the kid can really wrestle, too.
5.) Matt Hardy, TNA’s newest star- Look at it this way: YOU go to your job at a company that is the leader in your industry and deconstruct your way into unemployment, go on a bender badmouthing your employer- video tape it and let the world watch it, and then STILL get a decent position with the number two company in your chosen field. That’s scoreboard, people. Time to recognize.
The “No, really, I don’t just watch the WWE” award of the week:
Starting to like the Ring of Honor mini-push for “The Prodigy” Mike Bennett. Old school look/ nickname with a character based manager. Normally it seems a promotion going “old school” means 1980’s Mid Atlantic rasslin’. Bennett and his manager “Brutal” Bob Evans have a little early ‘90’s tinge to them. It’s kinda like realizing Nirvana is playing on a “classics” rock station.
Fast Count…
The way I see it… Undertaker goes to WrestleMania 27 with the streak on the line, beats Dana White to extend it, but retires so he can marry Michelle McCool at Summer Slam in a lovely Match Made in Hell Wedding. Jake Roberts returns with the Macho Man to upset the post-nuptial celebration. That’s revenge! Dig it!
I would totally love it if… Kevin Nash had one more WWE run. Why? I dunno. Have him come back bitter at the youth movement, powerbomb the entire cast of Tough Enough, and then put him in the WWE Hall of Fame. He has more of a place there than Sting. Maybe I’m wrong… or maybe I’m just a Vinnie Vegas mark.
I gotta think… that if Tatanka had won the I-C belt at ‘Mania 9, we’d be talking WWE Hall of Fame for the man with “Native American Blood” in his veins. Then again… maybe the same could be said for Skinner if not for his submission loss to Bret Hart at the This Tuesday in Texas pay-per-view title bout.
Sure… It wasn’t executed to perfection and it was from the minds behind Scott Baio is 45… and single, but I think some credit has to be given to the recently cancelled TNA Reaction for giving us a different and potentially compelling way to watch Pro Wrestling.
Quick… pick your favorite Barry Windham WWE gimmick: The Widowmaker, The Stalker, or Blackjack Windham.
Ken Napzok is a writer, comedian, and Pro Wrestling manager living in Los Angeles. He once had the pleasure of being punched in the face by “Rowdy” Roddy Piper. His Mother did not approve. He can be stalked online at twitter.com/kozpan or twitter.com/TexTunney.
