The Art of Watching WrestleMania

Rankings (That don’t really matter)

1.) Entertainment, a concept and brand- Word slipped that the people with the corner offices in Stamford, CT don’t consider themselves a “wrestling” company. Before you go on and on about how bad this not so shocking revelation is, consider what “entertainment” has brought to wrestling: I dare you to watch WrestleMania 1 from start to finish without wishing for theme music, catch phrases, or a John Cena movie.

2.) Eddie Edwards, The Other Wolf- On March 19th, the man commonly known as “the guy in the American Wolves not named Davey Richards” defeated Roderick Strong to capture the Ring of Honor World title. He can now call himself ROH’s first triple crown winner and proud holder of this week’s number two spot.

3.) Bret Hart, theme park caricature artist- Proving old bitter crosses can be bared in an entertaining fashion; Hart has taken to posting rather funny, blunt, and below the belt pictures of your favorite TNA legends. Can’t we all just get along?

4.) Zack Ryder, Long Islander- Thanks to a series of well-received You Tube videos called Z! True Long Island Story, Ryder continues to build himself enough buzz to stave off anonymity.  Woo Woo Woo.

5.)  TNA, Power Company’s Tax Write Off- The WWE had WGN cancel Superstars and should be gearing up for a new round of Future Endeavor’ings. Quick! TNA! Now’s your chance to grab Trent Baretta, Curt Hawkins, and Tyler Reks.

The “Why you should really love Indy wrestling” award of the week:

The Wrestling Road Diaries.

Ever since The Wrestler took “Indy Wrestling” into the Academy Award mainstream, there has been a public fascination with what “really” goes on outside of the big stages and bright lights of the WWE (or even TNA). Or at least I think it’s a public fascination… maybe it’s just my Mother who now wonders what really goes on when I tell her “I’m heading to a wrestling show tonight.” There are a few new documentaries heading out that are primed to answer all your questions and first up is Wrestling Road Diaries.

Filmed over ten consecutive days in 2009, the piece documents Colt Cabana, Brian Danielson, and Sal Rinauro as they trek across the country from ring to ring (mostly for Ring of Honor) and pursue a living as opposed to glory. It’s not new territory for sure. By now even your reclusive Uncle has seen 1999’s Beyond the Mat. Yet it is never the wrong time to sit down and enjoy the pure passion for this great American art form.

It’s also fun to see Brian Danielson before he fell in love with Gail Kim.

The “Unsolicited TNA advice” of the week:

Improve your scouting department.

The same problem that the WWE faced (though you wouldn’t know it from the WrestleMania 27 veteran/ alumni heavy card.) is actually the same problem TNA faces now: The main event roster is old and creaky. It is just a fact buried beneath their overall product. Sooner than later they are going to have to turn over the roster and infuse it with more young talent beyond just Crimson and, uh, Rosita. (Unless Flair really thinks he can blade at seventy.)  

There is a wealth of Indy talent out there ready to make their mark. The WWE is doing a great job at scouting, signing, and showcasing new faces. Even Ring of Honor is promoting a Top Prospect Tournament and pumping up newbies like Tommaso Ciampa. (Have to love that power bomb into a backstabber finisher!) Why isn’t TNA looking to the future? Why isn’t TNA using Daddy’s money to open a training spot? Why did Taz have to do that on his own? Why isn’t… oh… well… I think we all know why or have our theories. But sooner or later Hogan, Flair, Sting, Angle, Jarrett, Steiner, RVD, the Dudleys, Dreamer, and, thanks to the laws of our country, Jeff Hardy are going to HAVE to hang ‘em up. Someone with some smarts has to realize this and take the opportunity to build their own stars. Right?

I mean… right?  

Fast Count…

The way I see it…  the WWE needs a very big Go Home show this coming Monday. While there has absolutely been some great moments leading up to WrestleMania, there just seems to be something missing from the buildup. This thing needs to be at a fever pitch and the last two weeks have not built on some of the buzz generated early on. Here’s to hoping they let it all hang out on March 28th.

I would totally love it if… if Christian not only got inserted into the World title match at WM 27, but won it. I’m a booster of Team Del Rio and I honestly would not bet against a Del Rio victory, but a Christian win would be a big event worthy curveball.

I gotta think… there are many, many, many (one more), many talented wrestlers working their way up the independent ranks and all of them would make more of an impact (pun intended) than Gunner and Murphy. Nothing against those cats… I’m sure they’re great guys who deserve to have their career dreams come true, but they look and perform like two wrestlers created on a video game.

I must confess…  the latest promo piece on the Triple H/ Undertaker match-up, which included kayfabe-ish interviews clips from current stars and past legends, did more to pump me up for the match than anything done so far outside of the first wordless in-ring confrontation. A perfect storm of sincere admiration, kayfabe promotion, and simmering anticipation. Let’s do this.  

Come on, admit it…  when the WWE website announced a clearance sale on merchandise, you rushed to the site to see how many Kofi Kingston “Boom Squad” shirts you could order.

Seriously… did I just watch a ten minute segment of The Pope healing the blind and the lame before kidnapping a puzzling Kato knockoff?  

Sure… I didn’t buy into the Bully Ray versus Devon feud, but, against my own wishes, I’m actually liking the idea of Bully Ray competing for the World title.

Quick…  how hard did you cry when Macho Man reunited with Miss Elizabeth at WrestleMania VII?

Ken Napzok is a writer, comedian, and pro wrestling manager living in Los Angeles. He will be watching WrestleMania 27 among friends and several kayfabe enemies.  He can be followed online at twitter.com/kozpan and twitter.com/TexTunney or contacted at [email protected].

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